Officially Waiting

I'm happy to say that we've completed our dossier and are officially in the waiting phase of the adoption!  Our agency has recently increased the estimated wait time for a referral to 18-24 months, with more increases likely.  Ray and I have decided to prepare ourselves for a 3+ year wait (we can be pleasantly surprised if it happens sooner!).  I can't say that we were thrilled with the news of the longer wait.  I might have freaked out just a little bit.  It caused us to re-evalute whether we were supposed to adopt again from Ethiopia, another country, or domestically.  We also considered whether we should pursue older child adoption.  But after much prayer and research, we feel a lot of peace about sticking it out and following the original plan- to adopt an infant of either gender, 0-2 years old, from Ethiopia.  I have to say, I'm a make-a-plan-and-see-it-to-the-end kind of girl, so the unknowns of life and factors beyond my control make me  uneasy.  When the wait times increased again I felt a little bit of my control slipping away.  I started to worry that we could be waiting 5 years and still not have our child home, or that maybe Ethiopia would close it's doors to international adoption, as many other countries have done in the past.  What if we get 3 years into it and the program closes and we lose all the money and time we've invested?  But as I struggled with all of this, God reminded me that this IS completely out of my control, but it's not out of His control.  If the very worst of my thought-up scenarios happens, God is still in control and still has a plan for our family.  So, we're stepping out in this journey God has for us.  I'm sure there will be many more lessons for me to learn along the way!    

I'm also mindful of the fact that somewhere in Ethiopia, our next child's birth mother is probably about to become pregnant sometime soon.  I find myself noticing pregnant women more now and feeling a bit envious at how beautiful and glorious they look and the miracle that's happening in their bodies. Which is funny because I don't think I ever felt beautiful and glorious when I was pregnant with Ava.  I felt big, awkward, and frumpy.  But I do miss feeling Ava kick and move inside of me and trying to take care of myself to take care of her.  I feel a little sad that I won't have that connection from the beginning with our next child.  But I feel guilty to think that way because our child's birth mother is about to enter a crisis of love, and pain, and sacrifice.  She will make one of the bravest decisions a mother could make for her child.  My life will be forever connected to hers, and I worry about her.  I already know a bit about this kind of relationship with a woman I've never met.  Sometimes when I look into Jonas' beautiful eyes framed by long curly lashes, I wonder if I am looking into the eyes of his birth mother.  When he cracks us up with his humor, runs us down with his energy, or baffles us with his fiery temper, I can't help but wonder what his birth mother was like.  I like to think that we'd be friends....

Well, enough serious stuff for now!  I haven't posted pictures in awhile, so here are some just for fun!

Playing dress-up.  Every day is Halloween at our house!

Easter morning before church.  Jonas came up with his pose all on his own.

Outside our church on Easter morning.