Birthday Party

Sunday was Jonas' 1st Birthday! I can't believe he's a year old already. I love watching him grow and discover new things. Here's what he's doing now:

-He blows kisses
-When we ask him, "where's your nose?", he puts his hand over his mouth and nose. It actually looks suspiciously identical to blowing kisses.
-He pats his belly and then claps for himself whenever we ask him where his belly is. Sometimes he forgets a step and just goes straight to clapping for himself.
-A few weeks ago he learned how to go from laying on his back to sitting up. That's how he gets around the room now. See a toy a few feet away? No problem. Just lay down, sit up, pivot, lay down, sit up, etc until you get to it. I have no idea how it works, but he gets where he wants to go eventually. Oh, and if he notices us looking at him when he sits up he has to clap for himself to celebrate the fact that he sat up.
-He's getting close to pulling himself up on furniture. He pulls himself up to his knees, but hasn't figured out how to get up on his feet yet.
-Sometimes he gets up on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth a little before sitting up or laying down.
-He got close to eating his first piece of cat food yesterday morning. Yep, I forgot he can get where he wants to with his lay down/sit up method. He was playing with magnets on the fridge while I was getting his breakfast ready. I turned my back for a minute and then heard the clink of a glass. I turned around to see him sitting next to the cat food dish with a funny look on his face. Then I noticed that he was chewing. I picked him up and managed to get the cat food out of his mouth before he actually ate any. Good thing we buy all natural cat food. :)
-This Friday he's going to start getting physical therapy through Early Intervention. He's a bit delayed with his gross motor skills, and the therapy will help him learn how to crawl and walk. The therapist that evaluated him for services said she doesn't think he'll need services for very long.

So, back to the Birthday... We had a party for him in the teen area at our church. He loved opening his gifts, aka trying to eat all the wrapping paper and ribbons. He was somewhat modest in his cake eating. He kept picking up little tiny pieces of frosting with his fingers and eating them calmly, like a little gentleman. I smashed his hand in the cake and gave him a chunk of it so he would get the idea, but he just went back to daintily picking at the frosting. I know he was excited about it though because in between bites he would throw his hands out and go "HEEEEE" and "AHHHHH" and all the sounds he makes when he's happy and excited. He's such a funny boy. Here are some pictures for your viewing enjoyment. My favorite is the last cake-eating picture. It looks like he's in sugar shock! If I get my act together, I'll try to upload some video sometime this week too.

Playing Outside

We had our first day of beautiful Spring weather here in western NY today.  We had a high of 58 degrees, which felt like a heat wave.  It was a perfect opportunity to get out of the house and play!  This was Jonas' first experience swinging.  At times he seemed only mildly impressed, but overall I think he had fun.  Just look at that cute smile! This Sunday is his first Birthday!  Stay tuned for messy cake-face pictures next week. :)

11 months old!

Jonas is 11 months old today. I can't believe he'll be a year old in only one month. We brought him home when he was over 7 months old, but he seemed like such a little baby then. He couldn't roll over, bear weight on his legs, or sit unsupported. He hadn't really started solid foods yet. He's come a long way since then, and he's growing up too quickly! He hasn't started crawling yet but he's working on it. When he's on his stomach he will push against our hands and move across the floor like an inch worm. Here's a little video we took of our inch worm after dinner one night.


Even though he isn't crawling, he manages to get where he wants to by scooting around on his bottom. Yesterday I put him on the floor while I was making our bed, and he opened our closet door, pulled some of my shoes down, and scooted himself inside the closet. Ignore the mess inside the closet in these pictures!


He learned how to pick up food with his thumb and forefinger about a month ago, and since then he hasn't wanted to eat much food off a spoon. He still lets me feed him yogurt, cereal, and some pureed fruits off a spoon. Sometimes he'll grab the spoon and guide it into his mouth. Other than that it's all finger foods now. His favorites are little spears of cooked broccoli, pinto beans, peas, banana, cheerios, freeze-dried yogurt bites, and little pieces of salmon, chicken, or tuna. Here are some pictures of the first time I let him feed himself his lunch all by himself. I stripped him down to his diaper because I expected a big mess. I was a little disappointed that he kept himself pretty clean.


He says Dada, Hi, and Gitty (for kitty). He does not say Mama, as much as I try to teach him. Anytime we ask him to say Mama, he says Dada. :)

Our first couple of months at home, Jonas was usually a little overwhelmed by all the people at church. He'd smile at people sometimes but wouldn't let anyone hold him. Around the first of the year he started getting more and more comfortable with other people. He now lets people hold him and even lets us out of his sight sometimes. I haven't left him in the nursery yet though. I think he'd be fine, but I'm not ready for that yet! :) We've been blessed to have our friend Sarah babysit Jonas on Monday and Thursday mornings when we're both working. Sarah is great with him, and he gets excited when he sees her. Last weekend our friends Dawn and Cory babysat while Ray and I had our first date since becoming parents. Jonas had so much fun with them that he barely noticed when we came home! Sarah, Dawn, and Cory all grew up in our youth ministry, and we trust them with Jonas completely! It's great to have good babysitters. :)

Jonas is still sleeping well! He's down to waking up only once or twice in his crib before Ray and I go to bed, and then once in the middle of the night. It's such a drastic improvement over waking almost hourly for so long. He is also napping much better. He can make it through both his morning and afternoon naps without waking up to be rocked back to sleep in the middle of it. And, most amazing of all, he has started to sometimes fall asleep in his crib without us in the room and WITHOUT CRYING! Letting him sleep in our bed when he wants to seems to have helped him to feel secure enough to sleep longer in his crib. I wish we would have tried co-sleeping sooner! It was really hard to be extremely sleep deprived for 3 months. Right before we tried co-sleeping we had reached a breaking point and were seriously considering letting him cry until he fell asleep. Looking back, I'm really glad we never did that!

Every day I thank God for choosing Ray and I to be Jonas' parents. People have told us that Jonas is lucky to have us, but we're the ones that are truly blessed!

Sleep Update

I am happy to report that we've all been sleeping really well for the past week! We discovered our sleep solution sort of accidentally. Ray took the youth group on a winter retreat last weekend, and the thought of getting up 8 or 9 times a night with Jonas by myself was a bit overwhelming. I had been dreading it for weeks and came up with a plan. I was going to try a little experiment. So, our first night alone together I put Jonas to bed in his crib at his normal bedtime. Then the first time he woke up when I was ready for bed, I brought him into bed with me. I couldn't believe how much better he slept. He still woke probably as frequently as normal, but as soon as he would cry I would pull him a little closer to me and he would stop crying and go back to sleep right away. We were both sleeping again in less than a couple of minutes. The next night was the same way. No more rocking him in the rocking chair, standing up and swaying with him, trying to ease him into the crib, trying to calm him back to sleep by patting his stomach if he woke up on the way down to the crib, picking him up again when that didn't work, and starting the process all over again. So I told Ray the results of my experiment and he was all for giving it a try when he got home. We've kept the arrangement and we've continued to get better and better sleep each night. Jonas isn't waking nearly as frequently as he used to. He still starts out the night in his crib and he's even sleeping a little better there. Last night he slept from 8pm to 11:30pm in his crib without waking up. That doesn't sound that great, but trust me, it's a huge improvement for him. We're so happy to be getting good rest! It really makes all the difference. I've been a bit surprised by some of the very strongly negative reactions we've gotten from some people when we share our good news though. It's as if our new sleeping arrangement somehow directly affects them and they feel obligated to tell us "You'll never get him out of your bed!" So, if you feel compelled to tell us that, don't worry, we've already considered it. We've decided that getting Jonas to sleep well on his own is going to be a struggle no matter what. So we've chosen to get good sleep now, let him feel secure, and work on transitioning him out of our bed later when he has some verbal skills and can understand a little more that we're not going to disappear in the middle of the night.

Last weekend we also had our 3 month post placement visit by our social worker. Ethiopia requires reports at 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months post placement. The visit went very well. I mentioned to our social worker the problems we had been having with Jonas' sleep and that I had tried co-sleeping the night before. The social worker said that he sees major sleep problems with a lot of the adopted kids he follows. He said it's a combination of these kids' personalities and separation anxiety. I confessed to him that I sometimes felt like I must be doing something wrong to cause Jonas to sleep so poorly. He reassured me that we have done nothing wrong, In fact, he said he thinks we've been doing everything right. Yay! I've been trying to convince myself that Jonas' sleeping problems were not my fault, but have had trouble believing it sometimes. So it was good to hear it from our social worker's mouth. He thinks co-sleeping in our best option at this point. He doesn't recommend any kind of sleep training that involves leaving Jonas to cry alone in his crib for any time. He said it's obvious that Jonas is very attached to us, but not responding to him could cause him to regress in his attachment to us.

I've found that knowing that Jonas is going to sleep at night has given me a lot of freedom during the day. When he wasn't sleeping I analyzed and over-analyzed everything we did during our day. Anytime Jonas was exposed to new people or a new situation I would worry that it would make him wake up more at night. I was afraid of doing anything outside of our normal routine. I tried to do everything "by the book" and stressed out when Jonas decided he didn't want to cooperate with what the books said about when and how long he should be napping, how much he should be eating, etc. Now, I'm throwing the books away! I learned some good things from what I've read, but I've also realized that I need to follow my instincts, pay attention to Jonas' moods, and forget what the books say sometimes. Dr. Sears would be proud of me. :)

Our Beautiful Boy

Giving Kisses

Soooooo Big!

Jonas turned 10 months old yesterday. He's getting so big already. Not that he needed to, but he's gained 4 pounds since mid-November! He's completely grown out of his 6-9 month clothes and some of his 12 month clothes are getting a little snug around the middle. He still has plenty of room length-wise though. I have to fold up the arms of most of his shirt sleeves up so they don't cover his hands!

This picture was taken in his bathrobe (that's really too small). I love how it shows off his chubby legs.

We were watching an afternoon Steelers game a few weeks ago. The Steelers scored and Ray threw his hands in the air and yelled "Touchdown!" Jonas looked startled for a minute and then laughed and threw his little hands in the air and yelled something like "Ah dee dah!" We can usually get him to do it again by saying "Touchdown", but one arm raised was the best we could get for a picture. :)

He is such a happy and funny baby. He gives us slobbery kisses all the time. One of his favorite things to do is to kiss Ray's cheek and then reach for me and kiss my cheek. He'll go back and forth giving mommy and daddy kisses for a few minutes. I think he is teething again because he is chewing and biting anything and everything he can get his hands on. So sometimes lately his kisses end with a "love" bite. Ouch. He still loves his hands and is always waving or clapping them. We think he might be a natural drummer. He can entertain himself forever by just tapping his hands on a table or drum. His favorite toys are two toy drums that play music when he hits them. Once the music starts he bops his upper body up and down and dances to the beat.

He's still not sleeping any better. Sometimes when I'm rocking him in the middle of the night I think about the fact that we're his fourth home in his little life. I think about how, out of love and desperate circumstances, he was abandoned by his first family and I wonder how long he laid there alone in the city before he was found. I wonder if he fell asleep in the arms of his birth mother and woke up in the arms of a police officer. I wonder if he can comprehend that we're his forever family, and not just another stop along the way of caregivers in his life. When I think about these things, no matter how tired I am, or how hopeless I feel about his sleep (or whether we'll ever sleep again) I hug him a little bit tighter and hold him a little bit longer. I feel convicted again that no matter how many times he wakes up, we will go to him. We will let him know that we're here for him anytime he needs us. We will draw on God's strength, endure sleepless nights, and marvel in the wonder of the fact that God has given us such a beautiful, silly, demonstrative baby boy as our very own son.

Sleep (or lack thereof)!

We've been having some trouble with Jonas sleeping ever since we got home. It actually got a little worse the longer we were home and the more attached to us he became. He's always needed to be rocked to sleep, which we did happily. When we first came home we knew that he was experiencing a ton of change all at once, and didn't want to throw him off even more by expecting him to fall asleep on his own when he never had before. We were told in the transition home by his nanny that she always waited until he was asleep to put him in his crib. So for us, it was a way to continue to earn his trust and build attachment. The more attached to us he became the more frequently he started waking at night. First about 2 times a night, then more and more until he was sometimes waking every hour or two. When he woke up all he wanted was for us to pick him up and the majority of the time he would fall right back to sleep again. We contemplated co-sleeping, but it didn't seem to work for us, and Jonas didn't seem to like it either. So, night after night we'd take turns going into his room when he cried out, holding him, and putting him back down when he was asleep. It wasn't that bad at first, and we kinda secretly enjoyed that special time when we could comfort him and cuddle him in the middle of the night. After all, we missed out on nurturing him for the first 7 1/2 months of his life. But, recently we've been so TIRED! Ray went back to work the week before Christmas (which was a horrible sleep week. We noticed later that Jonas' 2 top teeth came in that week!). I will be working again part time within the next week or two. So, it seemed like now was the time to start trying to train Jonas to sleep better. We talked to our pediatrician about it and he recommended the Ferber method. Basically, go in after 5 minutes of crying, after 10 minutes, after 15 minutes, etc until the crying stops. In the doctor's office I felt I was completely prepared to do this, but once I got home I lost my nerve. Ray and I talked about it and decided that for now, crying it out is not an option. Jonas has only been with us for 2 months, which is only half the time that he was with his nanny in the transition home. While his attachment to us is strong and secure, we just can't bring ourselves to let him cry it out when we feel that Jonas is crying at night for a little extra love and reassurance. I don't judge anyone that uses the crying method, we're just to weak to do it! So I researched some books on-line, and the day after Christmas I went on a mission to buy the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution". It doesn't promise a quick fix to the sleeping problem, but to slowly and steadily help your train your child to sleep on their own longer and better without being left to cry. It gives a bunch of suggestions, and then you pick what you think will work for your child and make your sleep plan. We haven't implemented all of our plan yet because we were away from home, and then Jonas got sick with a cold. But we have started using some of the ideas and his sleep started to improve pretty quickly. He started waking only twice. Then one night he woke at 1am, but then slept straight through until 6:45am. The next night he woke at 10:30pm and then slept until 5am. It felt amazing to be able to get that many uninterrupted hours of sleep! I have to admit, I was feeling a little proud of myself for doing such a good job getting him to sleep. :) Last night he regressed. I actually felt like he was going to have trouble before I even put him down for the night. I had trouble getting him to eat much that day and he didn't drink much formula either, even though I tried offering it to him more frequently than normal. Then we had to run some errands and were out a little later than we wanted and he got hungry for dinner before we got home. We gave him a late dinner (still trying to be pretty creative to get him to eat a normal amount). By the time we were done with dinner he was tired and we started his bedtime routine, but even that got a little messed up. So I was kinda expecting some more wakings for bottles, etc. He was back to waking every hour pretty much all night long. I felt so defeated! But I had some great discussions today with other adoptive moms on a Yahoo Group about sleep. It seems that sleep is a pretty common problem and it was good to see what others are trying to do. Basically I feel reassured that we're on the right track. I guess sometimes you just take two steps forward and one step back. I've been trying something new to try to help him to learn to fall asleep on his own. Instead of waiting until he's completely asleep to ease him into the crib, I've been waiting until he's completely relaxed and falling asleep, but still awake. Then I put him down. If he cries I pick him up wait until he's relaxes and then put him down again. So far today the most I've had to pick him up is 3 times. Then he usually smiles at me, rolls on his side, and falls asleep. I hope we're making progress. I hope he sleeps tonight. We'd appreciate your prayers as we work through this! In the meantime, I remind myself that someday he WILL sleep through the night. He'll be a teenager all too quickly, and then I'll probably miss those cuddle times in the middle of the night when I could scoop him up and make everything all better. At least, I tell myself I'll miss it. :)

The Snoopy Hat

We had a great New Years and spent it with the Hammond side of the family in PA. While we were there Mom and Dad Hammond gave us a large box filled with some clothes that were Ray's when he was a baby. Today I washed the clothes and we pulled out Ray's old Snoopy hat to see if it would fit Jonas. He looked so cute in it we just had to take some pictures. Here they are:

Merry Christmas!

Jonas' Infant Dedication

Jonas' infant dedication was last Sunday. He wore the traditional Ethiopian outfit we bought for him and he was so cute in it! I thought it was going to be big on him, but the pants were a little snug on our little chub. Ray was able to do the dedication, and it was so surreal for me. Here was the baby that we hoped for, prayed for, and longed for... Here was the child that God had in mind when he answered our prayers for a baby NOW with, "No, not now. Trust me and wait." Oh, he knew what he was doing for sure. So dedicating him to the Lord was a chance for us to acknowledge that God has entrusted him to us and to offer him back to the Lord. I pray that we will be examples of Christ's amazing love in his life and that we will rely on God's guidance as we raise him and teach him.

swimming

Burger King

Jonas had his first outing to Burger King today. No fast-food for him, but he had fun with the crown. Or maybe we're the ones who had fun with the crown. :)

Birth Parents

A friend of ours, Meg Brask, is using our adoption story as the subject for her film class projects. She came and filmed us before we went to Ethiopia, having us share about the adoption process and our thoughts and feelings leading up to our trip.

She came back this week on Wednesday to do another piece now that we're home with Jonas. I'm really thankful she chose us as her subject matter because it's a great way to chronicle our journey.  We saw the first piece, and she did a great job.  I can't wait to see the finished product of this next one!

Something Lisa said during the filming on Wednesday really struck me.  She said that she wished she could tell Jonas' birth mother what a special son she had given birth to.  It struck me because early in our adoption journey, I thought that I didn't want to meet the birth parents and didn't want them involved in my child's life.  I guess it was because I was afraid that their existence and involvement somehow threatened the legitimacy of me being Jonas' daddy and him being my son.

We don't know anything about his birth parents.  We just know that, as it is in most developing countries, although birth parents love their children very, very much, things like illness, disease, poverty, war and genocide force them to make a very difficult and self-sacrificing decision: give up the child I love so that he or she might have life.

In Jonas' case, either his mother was dying and left him to be found so that he would be cared for or she had already died and a relative, friend or neighbor left him where he would be found and cared for.  If she was dying and had to make that choice, well, I can't imagine the courage, strength and selflessness it took for her to do that.  I remember thinking the same thing when I was in Jamaica on a mission trip after just finishing my undergraduate work.  A three-year-old little girl had become my buddy, and because of the poverty they faced, her mother offered to let me take her little girl home with me so that she could have a better life in the US.

The depth of love like that amazes me, and it gives me a glimpse of what the love of Jesus must be like.  Think about all he gave up, all he became, all he took on, all he experienced, all he suffered so that we could be forgiven, cleansed, set free and restored to right relationship with our Heavenly Father.  "Amazing love, how can it be that you, my God, would die for me?"

So early in our adoption journey, I thought that the existence and/or involvement of birth parents somehow threatened the legitimacy of me being Jonas' daddy and him being my son. But knowing him and having him know us, I see things a little bit differently now.  He is such an amazing gift, such a special boy, such a great joy that I wish his birth parents could see that.  I wish they could see how cute he is, how chubby he is, and hear his laugh.  I wish they could see how observant he is, how demonstrative he is, and how big his personality is.  But most of all, I wish they could see how their hopes and dreams for him - to be loved, to be cared for, to be healthy, to learn and to have the chance to grow up into the man God has made him to be - will be realized.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that Lisa and I are these great people that are rescuing Jonas and giving him a chance. I'm just saying that putting myself in the context of his birth parents, I know that I would wonder what was going to happen to him when I was gone.  Would he be cared for, sheltered, protected, encouraged, taught, unfolded, tickled, hugged, kissed, cherished, i.e., would he be loved like I loved him? If I were in their place, I would be wondering these things, and I would be comforted to know he was loved like I loved him.

All of this makes me realize what a great privilege it is to raise Jonas and be his daddy.  His care, well-being and development have been entrusted to me.  It's a great responsibility and a precious gift.  And I love it! :D

Pictures!

Steelers Fans

Thanksgiving outfit (Thankful for Mommy and Daddy). This picture was taken after Thanksgiving because I completely neglected to take any pictures on Thanksgiving Day!

One Month

Today is the one month anniversary of meeting Jonas.  I can't believe it's been a month already, but at the same time, it seems like we've been a family forever.  A month ago today we were completely in love with a little boy that we didn't know at all.  There were times that first week that I felt like an imposter mommy because I didn't know his likes or dislikes, his routines, or what he wanted when he cried.  Now I know him.  I know when he's tired, when he's hungry, and when he's bored.  I know what makes him laugh, his favorite toys, the faces he makes, the way he likes to fall asleep, and the sounds he likes to imitate.  I know I'm his mommy.  A month ago today two strangers walked into Jonas' life and changed his whole world.  I'm sure there were times that first week that Jonas wondered who we were and if he could trust us.  Now he knows us.  He knows the games we play with him, the way we change him and feed him, and the ways we comfort him when he's upset.  He prefers us over anyone else.  He knows that we're his mommy and daddy.  

I mentioned in an earlier post that we found out something about his Ethiopian name, Ekra.  A few Ethiopians that we talked to on the way home from Ethiopia said that Ekra is an unusual name.  They said it sounded Arabic or Muslim to them, not Ethiopian.  I was puzzled at that because he was named by the Christian orphanage where he was first placed.  I figured there must be some story behind it that I would never know.  We mentioned that to my father-in-law, who decided to do some research on the name.  He said that Ekra is either Hebrew or from the Hebrew and it's found in Psalm 27:7.  

Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me.  Psalm 27:7

"When I call" is Ekra.  It gives me goosebumps to think that I called out to God for a child, and he mercifully answered me with a son named "when I call".  We've found two Hebrew meanings for the name Jonas.  One is Gift From God, and the other is He Accomplishes.  So, Jonas Ekra is either "Gift from God when I call" or "He accomplishes when I call".  Either way it's a reminder of God's great love and faithfulness, and his amazing plan in joining us together as a family.

Life at Home

Bath time

Eating

In my favorite outfit.  It has the continent of Africa and says Treasu(red)

A rare occurrence.  (just kidding... sort of)

Tummy Time

Playing