An Update and Some Big News

It seems like it's been awhile since I've blogged about what we're up to here! Jonas is 15 months old now, and he's been with us for 8 months. He's developed a fake laugh that he likes to use when he's trying to be silly and wants us to laugh at him. He likes to make silly faces and then do his fake laugh. He's such an expressive and funny kid! He started walking a few weeks ago, and is constantly on the run now. If he sees something he wants to get into when we're carrying him he will tell us, "down, down". He becomes very insistent if we don't let him down right away. With all this new freedom he's been testing his boundaries and is having trouble listening! He keeps us busy!! He loves to get out of the house and "go" anywhere we take him. In the morning he will often start pointing to the door saying "go, go, go". He doesn't care if we stay in our own yard, go to a playground, go grocery shopping, visit people, or whatever else we might do, as long as we get out of the house. I don't blame him, but sometimes it's hard to think of things to go do! The other day Ray was at the church preparing a sermon when Jonas woke up from his nap. Jonas said "go" and I asked him where he wanted to go. He thought for a second and said "daddy!". So, we drove to the church to visit daddy. :)

As much as he loves to be on the go, he also loves to cuddle. He's always given lots of kisses, but he also loves to gives hugs now. I love that!

Finally, the great news is that he decided about a week and a half ago that he would start sleeping through the night in his own room! One night he was sleeping in our bed and waking up 2-3 times a night (on a good night), and the next night he just decided to sleep in his room until 5am. At 5am we brought him into our room and he slept until 8am. He's had about 3 nights since then that he didn't sleep through the night, but I feel like we're making major progress. I think it helps that we've finally found a teddy bear that he likes (thank you Aunt Deb and Uncle Jon!). I'm hoping and praying that his sleep will continue to improve and that it will become more consistent as he gets a little older. Right now he's sleeping in the pack n' play in his room because his crib is attached to our bed. I'm going to give him another week of sleeping and then detach the crib from our bed and put it back in his room.

The fact he is learning to sleep better has come at a good time because..... I'M PREGNANT! I'm in my 12th week and my due date is 1/15/10. We were quite surprised and initially a little overwhelmed at the thought of having 2 kids less than 2 years apart. But we are excited. I can't believe Jonas is going to be a big brother! He still seems so little. Every night when we pray with him we ask God to help him to get ready for the big transition that is coming. On a side note, people often told us that we would get pregnant and "have one of our own" after adopting. I just want to clarify that Jonas is our own child, and this next child will be the second one of our own!

Father and Son

I'm so thankful I get to share the job of parenting with Ray. Jonas absolutely adores his "da-eee" (daddy), and it's no surprise to me that he does. His daddy reads to him, makes up silly songs to sing to him, feeds him, bathes him, rocks him, kisses his boo-boos, dresses him, changes him, tickles him, chases him, rewards him, disciplines him, holds him, and plays with his toys with him. He's not afraid of a dirty diaper or a temper tantrum. He does all of the things that I do with Jonas with his own daddy style (which usually means more fun than mommy's style). Plus, Ray plays guitar or bass in church, which pretty much makes him a rock star in Jonas' eyes. So today I'd like to wish my husband a happy first Father's Day, or in the words of Jonas "HI DA-EEE!!!!"

Jonas Gets His Groove On

Jonas loves music.  At church I never take him to the nursery until the music is over because he always enjoys it so much.  He usually gets the treat of banging on the drums after LIVE (the youth service) and he always amazes us with his rhythm and ability to use both drum sticks correctly. At home, his favorite toys are a cheap electric keyboard and a toy guitar I bought at a garage sale for a dollar.  Last weekend we stayed at Lighthouse Christian Camp and we took his guitar along. Our friend Dave Simpson "played" it while Jonas showed off his dance moves.  Enjoy the video!

Do Something

We've just started a new series in LIVE (our Sunday morning worship service for teens) and Fuel (teen small groups) called Do Something. For the next 5 weeks, Ray and his team will be making students aware of problems in the world (such as poverty, AIDS, disease, pollution, oppression, slavery, and hunger) and challenging them to do something about it. They will be collecting new and gently used shoes to donate locally and abroad, and beginning the long-term sponsorship of a little boy from Haiti. At the end of the series, they will have the opportunity to participate in World Vision's 30 Hour Famine. They will get sponsors to raise money to fight hunger, fast for 30 hours, and come together to worship, have fun, look at what God's Word has to say about the poor, and serve the community together. I decided to share with you some of what the teens will be learning.

Did you know that 25,000 people die every day from hunger and related causes, and that every 6 seconds a child dies from hunger? The problem is not that there isn't enough food in the world. There is enough food in the world to provide every human being with about 4.3 pounds of food every day. The problem is that many people are too poor to buy any of the abundance of food that exists.

Did you know that there are more slaves in the world today than in 400 years of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade?

Did you know that one billion people live on less than a dollar a day? Did you know that if you have food, clothing, shelter, a car, and some change in your pocket, you are richer than 80% of the world's population?

Did you know that in Africa, AIDS is wiping out an entire generation of people, leaving over 15 million orphans behind? In one of my favorite books, There Is No Me Without You, Melissa Fay Greene discusses the statistics from the year 2000, when there were 12 million AIDS orphans. She writes, "Who was teaching twelve million orphans to swim? Who was signing 12 million permission slips for school field trips? Who packed twelve million school lunches? Who cheered at twelve million soccer games? Who was going to buy twelve million pairs of sneakers that light up when you jump? Backpacks? Toothbrushes? Twelve million pairs of socks? Who will tell twelve million bedtimes stories? Who will quiz twelve million children on Thursday nights for their Friday-morning spelling tests? Twelve million trips to the dentist? Twelve million birthday parties?........ Who will help them grow up, choose the right person to marry, find work, and learn to parent their own children? Well, as it turns out, no one. Or very few. There aren't enough adults to go around. Although in Western industrialized states HIV/AIDS has become a chronic condition rather than a death sentence, in Africa a generation of parents, teachers, nurses, professors, spiritual leaders, musicians, poets, coaches, farmers, bankers, and business owners are being erased."

We, as Americans, are blessed to live in a country where we have the freedom to live, work, and worship the way we please. We are blessed to have access to clean water, food, medical care, and shelter. And yet, I think too many of us are oblivious to the problems in the world. We sit around in our comfortable living-rooms debating whether Bush or Obama have the right domestic and foreign policies. We demand that those coming to our country to seek a better life (often escaping poverty, oppression, and corruption) learn to speak English fluently as if they enjoy having a language barrier, or as if they don't have other things to worry about (like feeding their families). Today I want to challenge myself and all of you to live lives full of compassion, love, and generosity. I urge us to look beyond our needs, wants, preferences, and prejudices, and to allow God's love to radiate from us. Let's be known for our love, not judgement and not condemnation.

So what can we do? The problems are indeed too large for one person to tackle on their own. But together, we can make a difference. There are many opportunities available if you want to help out. I just want to share one with you. Ray and I recently joined the Mocha Club, and aid organization in Africa. It's ONLY $7 a month (the cost of 2 mochas) and you can choose how you want your money to help. Their projects include education, HIV/AIDS, job creation, orphan care, and Sudan regrowth. We chose to contribute to HIV/AIDS education, medical attention, and job opportunities for those infected. If you're interested in joining our team, go to
http://mochaclub.org/joinme/JonasEkra. Or, choose your own project to support! By the way, I NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS ME. To find out why, go to www.mochaclub.org and watch the video on the home page.

6 Months, Attachment, and Sleep

Today is the 6 month anniversary of the day we brought Jonas back to our hotel and started our new role as parents. I still get teary when I think about how God brought us together as a family. Jonas was orphaned, but he was never outside of the care of his Heavenly Father. And when we were going through infertility, God didn't give us what we thought we wanted because he knew what was even better. He brought indescribable beauty from ashes.

It seems like we've been a family for much longer than just 6 months, but when I think about that day I can still feel all the emotions I felt as we walked out of the transition home gates with Jonas in our arms. I was elated and terrified! The next few days were a blur of night feedings and blow-out diapers and trying to learn what Jonas wanted and needed. It seemed like the other babies in our travel group were always pretty calm and able to go with the flow throughout the day. Not Jonas. He seemed to either be overly excited and happy, or crying with a rage I didn't know was possible for such a small guy. We thought he just had big personality and that maybe he was more than a little strong willed. Looking back on it now, I realize that he was probably pretty scared and was going through a lot of grieving. I had read so many things about adoption before we met Jonas that I'm surprised I didn't see his grief for what it was. Maybe I was in a bit of denial. Or maybe it was because he seemed to attach to us pretty quickly. After only a couple of days with us he refused to let anyone else hold him. He seemed to do well on other points on attachment checklists too. He always made good eye contact, smiled at us, imitated us, etc. I can see now that he was attaching to us, but he wasn't attached yet. True and secure attachment is a tricky process that takes time, especially when the child has experienced disruptions in caregivers. Signs of trouble with attachment can be very subtle, and can be easy for a first time parent to overlook. I found an attachment checklist and started to pay attention to things after we had been home a while. I noticed some things that made me wonder if Jonas was having trouble with attachment. It almost seemed like he regressed in his attachment after we had been home about 3 months and I started working part time. Like I said, the signs were very subtle, such as not letting us comfort him when he was hurt, biting us when we were too close to his face (which I initially just thought was teething),etc. I also learned that sleep trouble is a major sign of attachment difficulties. Sometimes I think I was looking for problems that weren't there, but I am glad we paid attention to attachment and did everything we could to promote it. I can see now that we've all grown in the area of attachment in the past 6 months. We loved Jonas from the beginning, but adjusting to parenthood took some time. Jonas has adjusted as well. We no longer see that rage that used to come out in the form of inconsolable crying. He adapts to new situations very easily now and always seems to just go with the flow. He still has big personality, but he's a completely different kid than he was 6 months ago. Here he is "helping" daddy unload the dishwasher.

As far as sleep goes, we're still co-sleeping. We originally saw it as a temporary solution to our sleeping woes, but we're committed to it now. Co-sleeping has gotten a bad rap in this country. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises against it because they say it increases the risk of SIDS. The weird thing is that when it is done with some simple safety precautions, co-sleeping has actually been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS. I also think that parents who choose to co-sleep are sometimes viewed as push overs or like they just don't have the back-bone to teach their kids how to sleep on their own. But co-sleeping has done wonders for Jonas' attachment to us. Some studies have even shown that babies that co-sleep grow up to be more independent and self-assured as adults than babies who sleep alone. I'm not sure how reliable a study like that is because there are many other variables that come into play throughout a child's life. But I certainly think that co-sleeping can't hurt. The other argument I've heard is that parents don't sleep as well with a baby in their bed. There's a valid point there for sure! We have definitely had some rough nights, when the thought of putting Jonas to bed and not seeing him again until the next morning has been quite appealing. I have always seemed to need more sleep than the average person, and there have been nights with Jonas that I've thought "I can't do this anymore!" But I get up, drink some coffee, and make it through the day just fine. God has supplied all the strength I need. In general, Jonas has been getting better with sleeping. About a month ago Jonas started to be quite a bed hog and our bed was feeling very cramped. To give us more space I researched how to safely make his crib into a side car bed and that has been working really well. He typically spends most of the night in his crib, and just whimpers and rolls over to me when he wants to sleep closer. He slept through the night (without rolling over to be near me) for the first time last week! This week he was cutting a tooth and he never sleeps well when he's cutting teeth. We had a rough few days, but he got back on track again last night. All in all, the benefits of co-sleeping outweigh the negatives for us. I cherish the times that Jonas snuggles up to me and throws a chubby arm around my neck. I fall back asleep with his soft head under my chin and the sweet smell of his hair. Co-sleeping is not for every family. I'm not even trying to say that it is the best thing to do. It is, however, a good option and the best thing for our family.

"Photo Shoot" in a Special Outfit

We finally took Jonas' picture in a very special outfit. Ray's uncles, Ray, and his 3 brothers all had their 1 year pictures taken in a blue sweater outfit with white strips and little white seals. Long before we started trying to start our family, I knew I would want to carry on the tradition if we ever had a son. So, I considered it a huge honor to have the outfit passed on to us to borrow for Jonas' picture. The outfit is special because of all the little boys (now mostly men) who have worn it in the past, and the special little boy of our own who can now wear it. I decided I would take the picture myself. I tried getting a good shot a few days before he turned 12 months old, but I couldn't get him to sit still. I decided it would be a better project for Ray and I to tackle together. One person could entertain Jonas, get him to smile and sit still, and the other person could take the pictures. We finally got around to doing this on Friday, a few days after Jonas turned 13 months old. The weather was beautiful, so we decided to go to our church and take some pictures outside. We eventually moved the "photo shoot" inside the church because Jonas seemed more interested in pulling up grass and flowers than in smiling for a picture. It was a lot harder than I anticipated to get a good shot! We took a ton of pictures just trying to get one where Jonas was looking at the camera and sitting still. I love the "blooper" pictures too though, because they show his personality. Here are a few:

"Ooooh.... grass!"

"And flowers!"

"Can I touch the camera?"

Drumming his hands on the stage floor. "This makes a cool noise!"

"Hey, the plant gave me bunny ears!"

Typical of Jonas, moving his hands and feet in excitement.

Finally, this is the shot we're keeping and framing. Grandparents, watch for your copy in the mail (whenever I get to the post office)!

"We're finally done? I'm outta here!"

"Hey mom and dad, are you coming?"

First Haircut

Jonas got his hair cut for the first time on Saturday. He cried through most of it, but the hairdresser was very quick, so his torture didn't last long. At one point in the middle of the ordeal someone gave him two toy cars to hold and that made him smile, but he continued to cry with a smile on his face. He stopped crying when she pulled out the clippers to trim his neck and around his ears. I thought maybe the sound of the clippers would make him more upset, but he actually thought they were funny.

BEFORE

AFTER
(I got my hair cut too, hence all the hair in my face in the "after" picture.)

Look Who's Crawling!

Look who started crawling on Thursday! We took this video on Friday evening. Jonas' favorite new hobby is chasing kitties. Poor cats! When they finally escape he looks at them through the baby gate and cries. Jonas sure loves them! He must think about them in his sleep because tonight as he was drifting off to sleep, his eyes getting heavy and closing, he suddenly opened his eyes and said "kitty". Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep. It was hard for me to not laugh out loud and wake him up.

Birthday Party

Sunday was Jonas' 1st Birthday! I can't believe he's a year old already. I love watching him grow and discover new things. Here's what he's doing now:

-He blows kisses
-When we ask him, "where's your nose?", he puts his hand over his mouth and nose. It actually looks suspiciously identical to blowing kisses.
-He pats his belly and then claps for himself whenever we ask him where his belly is. Sometimes he forgets a step and just goes straight to clapping for himself.
-A few weeks ago he learned how to go from laying on his back to sitting up. That's how he gets around the room now. See a toy a few feet away? No problem. Just lay down, sit up, pivot, lay down, sit up, etc until you get to it. I have no idea how it works, but he gets where he wants to go eventually. Oh, and if he notices us looking at him when he sits up he has to clap for himself to celebrate the fact that he sat up.
-He's getting close to pulling himself up on furniture. He pulls himself up to his knees, but hasn't figured out how to get up on his feet yet.
-Sometimes he gets up on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth a little before sitting up or laying down.
-He got close to eating his first piece of cat food yesterday morning. Yep, I forgot he can get where he wants to with his lay down/sit up method. He was playing with magnets on the fridge while I was getting his breakfast ready. I turned my back for a minute and then heard the clink of a glass. I turned around to see him sitting next to the cat food dish with a funny look on his face. Then I noticed that he was chewing. I picked him up and managed to get the cat food out of his mouth before he actually ate any. Good thing we buy all natural cat food. :)
-This Friday he's going to start getting physical therapy through Early Intervention. He's a bit delayed with his gross motor skills, and the therapy will help him learn how to crawl and walk. The therapist that evaluated him for services said she doesn't think he'll need services for very long.

So, back to the Birthday... We had a party for him in the teen area at our church. He loved opening his gifts, aka trying to eat all the wrapping paper and ribbons. He was somewhat modest in his cake eating. He kept picking up little tiny pieces of frosting with his fingers and eating them calmly, like a little gentleman. I smashed his hand in the cake and gave him a chunk of it so he would get the idea, but he just went back to daintily picking at the frosting. I know he was excited about it though because in between bites he would throw his hands out and go "HEEEEE" and "AHHHHH" and all the sounds he makes when he's happy and excited. He's such a funny boy. Here are some pictures for your viewing enjoyment. My favorite is the last cake-eating picture. It looks like he's in sugar shock! If I get my act together, I'll try to upload some video sometime this week too.

Playing Outside

We had our first day of beautiful Spring weather here in western NY today.  We had a high of 58 degrees, which felt like a heat wave.  It was a perfect opportunity to get out of the house and play!  This was Jonas' first experience swinging.  At times he seemed only mildly impressed, but overall I think he had fun.  Just look at that cute smile! This Sunday is his first Birthday!  Stay tuned for messy cake-face pictures next week. :)

11 months old!

Jonas is 11 months old today. I can't believe he'll be a year old in only one month. We brought him home when he was over 7 months old, but he seemed like such a little baby then. He couldn't roll over, bear weight on his legs, or sit unsupported. He hadn't really started solid foods yet. He's come a long way since then, and he's growing up too quickly! He hasn't started crawling yet but he's working on it. When he's on his stomach he will push against our hands and move across the floor like an inch worm. Here's a little video we took of our inch worm after dinner one night.


Even though he isn't crawling, he manages to get where he wants to by scooting around on his bottom. Yesterday I put him on the floor while I was making our bed, and he opened our closet door, pulled some of my shoes down, and scooted himself inside the closet. Ignore the mess inside the closet in these pictures!


He learned how to pick up food with his thumb and forefinger about a month ago, and since then he hasn't wanted to eat much food off a spoon. He still lets me feed him yogurt, cereal, and some pureed fruits off a spoon. Sometimes he'll grab the spoon and guide it into his mouth. Other than that it's all finger foods now. His favorites are little spears of cooked broccoli, pinto beans, peas, banana, cheerios, freeze-dried yogurt bites, and little pieces of salmon, chicken, or tuna. Here are some pictures of the first time I let him feed himself his lunch all by himself. I stripped him down to his diaper because I expected a big mess. I was a little disappointed that he kept himself pretty clean.


He says Dada, Hi, and Gitty (for kitty). He does not say Mama, as much as I try to teach him. Anytime we ask him to say Mama, he says Dada. :)

Our first couple of months at home, Jonas was usually a little overwhelmed by all the people at church. He'd smile at people sometimes but wouldn't let anyone hold him. Around the first of the year he started getting more and more comfortable with other people. He now lets people hold him and even lets us out of his sight sometimes. I haven't left him in the nursery yet though. I think he'd be fine, but I'm not ready for that yet! :) We've been blessed to have our friend Sarah babysit Jonas on Monday and Thursday mornings when we're both working. Sarah is great with him, and he gets excited when he sees her. Last weekend our friends Dawn and Cory babysat while Ray and I had our first date since becoming parents. Jonas had so much fun with them that he barely noticed when we came home! Sarah, Dawn, and Cory all grew up in our youth ministry, and we trust them with Jonas completely! It's great to have good babysitters. :)

Jonas is still sleeping well! He's down to waking up only once or twice in his crib before Ray and I go to bed, and then once in the middle of the night. It's such a drastic improvement over waking almost hourly for so long. He is also napping much better. He can make it through both his morning and afternoon naps without waking up to be rocked back to sleep in the middle of it. And, most amazing of all, he has started to sometimes fall asleep in his crib without us in the room and WITHOUT CRYING! Letting him sleep in our bed when he wants to seems to have helped him to feel secure enough to sleep longer in his crib. I wish we would have tried co-sleeping sooner! It was really hard to be extremely sleep deprived for 3 months. Right before we tried co-sleeping we had reached a breaking point and were seriously considering letting him cry until he fell asleep. Looking back, I'm really glad we never did that!

Every day I thank God for choosing Ray and I to be Jonas' parents. People have told us that Jonas is lucky to have us, but we're the ones that are truly blessed!

Sleep Update

I am happy to report that we've all been sleeping really well for the past week! We discovered our sleep solution sort of accidentally. Ray took the youth group on a winter retreat last weekend, and the thought of getting up 8 or 9 times a night with Jonas by myself was a bit overwhelming. I had been dreading it for weeks and came up with a plan. I was going to try a little experiment. So, our first night alone together I put Jonas to bed in his crib at his normal bedtime. Then the first time he woke up when I was ready for bed, I brought him into bed with me. I couldn't believe how much better he slept. He still woke probably as frequently as normal, but as soon as he would cry I would pull him a little closer to me and he would stop crying and go back to sleep right away. We were both sleeping again in less than a couple of minutes. The next night was the same way. No more rocking him in the rocking chair, standing up and swaying with him, trying to ease him into the crib, trying to calm him back to sleep by patting his stomach if he woke up on the way down to the crib, picking him up again when that didn't work, and starting the process all over again. So I told Ray the results of my experiment and he was all for giving it a try when he got home. We've kept the arrangement and we've continued to get better and better sleep each night. Jonas isn't waking nearly as frequently as he used to. He still starts out the night in his crib and he's even sleeping a little better there. Last night he slept from 8pm to 11:30pm in his crib without waking up. That doesn't sound that great, but trust me, it's a huge improvement for him. We're so happy to be getting good rest! It really makes all the difference. I've been a bit surprised by some of the very strongly negative reactions we've gotten from some people when we share our good news though. It's as if our new sleeping arrangement somehow directly affects them and they feel obligated to tell us "You'll never get him out of your bed!" So, if you feel compelled to tell us that, don't worry, we've already considered it. We've decided that getting Jonas to sleep well on his own is going to be a struggle no matter what. So we've chosen to get good sleep now, let him feel secure, and work on transitioning him out of our bed later when he has some verbal skills and can understand a little more that we're not going to disappear in the middle of the night.

Last weekend we also had our 3 month post placement visit by our social worker. Ethiopia requires reports at 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months post placement. The visit went very well. I mentioned to our social worker the problems we had been having with Jonas' sleep and that I had tried co-sleeping the night before. The social worker said that he sees major sleep problems with a lot of the adopted kids he follows. He said it's a combination of these kids' personalities and separation anxiety. I confessed to him that I sometimes felt like I must be doing something wrong to cause Jonas to sleep so poorly. He reassured me that we have done nothing wrong, In fact, he said he thinks we've been doing everything right. Yay! I've been trying to convince myself that Jonas' sleeping problems were not my fault, but have had trouble believing it sometimes. So it was good to hear it from our social worker's mouth. He thinks co-sleeping in our best option at this point. He doesn't recommend any kind of sleep training that involves leaving Jonas to cry alone in his crib for any time. He said it's obvious that Jonas is very attached to us, but not responding to him could cause him to regress in his attachment to us.

I've found that knowing that Jonas is going to sleep at night has given me a lot of freedom during the day. When he wasn't sleeping I analyzed and over-analyzed everything we did during our day. Anytime Jonas was exposed to new people or a new situation I would worry that it would make him wake up more at night. I was afraid of doing anything outside of our normal routine. I tried to do everything "by the book" and stressed out when Jonas decided he didn't want to cooperate with what the books said about when and how long he should be napping, how much he should be eating, etc. Now, I'm throwing the books away! I learned some good things from what I've read, but I've also realized that I need to follow my instincts, pay attention to Jonas' moods, and forget what the books say sometimes. Dr. Sears would be proud of me. :)

Our Beautiful Boy

Giving Kisses

Soooooo Big!

Jonas turned 10 months old yesterday. He's getting so big already. Not that he needed to, but he's gained 4 pounds since mid-November! He's completely grown out of his 6-9 month clothes and some of his 12 month clothes are getting a little snug around the middle. He still has plenty of room length-wise though. I have to fold up the arms of most of his shirt sleeves up so they don't cover his hands!

This picture was taken in his bathrobe (that's really too small). I love how it shows off his chubby legs.

We were watching an afternoon Steelers game a few weeks ago. The Steelers scored and Ray threw his hands in the air and yelled "Touchdown!" Jonas looked startled for a minute and then laughed and threw his little hands in the air and yelled something like "Ah dee dah!" We can usually get him to do it again by saying "Touchdown", but one arm raised was the best we could get for a picture. :)

He is such a happy and funny baby. He gives us slobbery kisses all the time. One of his favorite things to do is to kiss Ray's cheek and then reach for me and kiss my cheek. He'll go back and forth giving mommy and daddy kisses for a few minutes. I think he is teething again because he is chewing and biting anything and everything he can get his hands on. So sometimes lately his kisses end with a "love" bite. Ouch. He still loves his hands and is always waving or clapping them. We think he might be a natural drummer. He can entertain himself forever by just tapping his hands on a table or drum. His favorite toys are two toy drums that play music when he hits them. Once the music starts he bops his upper body up and down and dances to the beat.

He's still not sleeping any better. Sometimes when I'm rocking him in the middle of the night I think about the fact that we're his fourth home in his little life. I think about how, out of love and desperate circumstances, he was abandoned by his first family and I wonder how long he laid there alone in the city before he was found. I wonder if he fell asleep in the arms of his birth mother and woke up in the arms of a police officer. I wonder if he can comprehend that we're his forever family, and not just another stop along the way of caregivers in his life. When I think about these things, no matter how tired I am, or how hopeless I feel about his sleep (or whether we'll ever sleep again) I hug him a little bit tighter and hold him a little bit longer. I feel convicted again that no matter how many times he wakes up, we will go to him. We will let him know that we're here for him anytime he needs us. We will draw on God's strength, endure sleepless nights, and marvel in the wonder of the fact that God has given us such a beautiful, silly, demonstrative baby boy as our very own son.

Sleep (or lack thereof)!

We've been having some trouble with Jonas sleeping ever since we got home. It actually got a little worse the longer we were home and the more attached to us he became. He's always needed to be rocked to sleep, which we did happily. When we first came home we knew that he was experiencing a ton of change all at once, and didn't want to throw him off even more by expecting him to fall asleep on his own when he never had before. We were told in the transition home by his nanny that she always waited until he was asleep to put him in his crib. So for us, it was a way to continue to earn his trust and build attachment. The more attached to us he became the more frequently he started waking at night. First about 2 times a night, then more and more until he was sometimes waking every hour or two. When he woke up all he wanted was for us to pick him up and the majority of the time he would fall right back to sleep again. We contemplated co-sleeping, but it didn't seem to work for us, and Jonas didn't seem to like it either. So, night after night we'd take turns going into his room when he cried out, holding him, and putting him back down when he was asleep. It wasn't that bad at first, and we kinda secretly enjoyed that special time when we could comfort him and cuddle him in the middle of the night. After all, we missed out on nurturing him for the first 7 1/2 months of his life. But, recently we've been so TIRED! Ray went back to work the week before Christmas (which was a horrible sleep week. We noticed later that Jonas' 2 top teeth came in that week!). I will be working again part time within the next week or two. So, it seemed like now was the time to start trying to train Jonas to sleep better. We talked to our pediatrician about it and he recommended the Ferber method. Basically, go in after 5 minutes of crying, after 10 minutes, after 15 minutes, etc until the crying stops. In the doctor's office I felt I was completely prepared to do this, but once I got home I lost my nerve. Ray and I talked about it and decided that for now, crying it out is not an option. Jonas has only been with us for 2 months, which is only half the time that he was with his nanny in the transition home. While his attachment to us is strong and secure, we just can't bring ourselves to let him cry it out when we feel that Jonas is crying at night for a little extra love and reassurance. I don't judge anyone that uses the crying method, we're just to weak to do it! So I researched some books on-line, and the day after Christmas I went on a mission to buy the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution". It doesn't promise a quick fix to the sleeping problem, but to slowly and steadily help your train your child to sleep on their own longer and better without being left to cry. It gives a bunch of suggestions, and then you pick what you think will work for your child and make your sleep plan. We haven't implemented all of our plan yet because we were away from home, and then Jonas got sick with a cold. But we have started using some of the ideas and his sleep started to improve pretty quickly. He started waking only twice. Then one night he woke at 1am, but then slept straight through until 6:45am. The next night he woke at 10:30pm and then slept until 5am. It felt amazing to be able to get that many uninterrupted hours of sleep! I have to admit, I was feeling a little proud of myself for doing such a good job getting him to sleep. :) Last night he regressed. I actually felt like he was going to have trouble before I even put him down for the night. I had trouble getting him to eat much that day and he didn't drink much formula either, even though I tried offering it to him more frequently than normal. Then we had to run some errands and were out a little later than we wanted and he got hungry for dinner before we got home. We gave him a late dinner (still trying to be pretty creative to get him to eat a normal amount). By the time we were done with dinner he was tired and we started his bedtime routine, but even that got a little messed up. So I was kinda expecting some more wakings for bottles, etc. He was back to waking every hour pretty much all night long. I felt so defeated! But I had some great discussions today with other adoptive moms on a Yahoo Group about sleep. It seems that sleep is a pretty common problem and it was good to see what others are trying to do. Basically I feel reassured that we're on the right track. I guess sometimes you just take two steps forward and one step back. I've been trying something new to try to help him to learn to fall asleep on his own. Instead of waiting until he's completely asleep to ease him into the crib, I've been waiting until he's completely relaxed and falling asleep, but still awake. Then I put him down. If he cries I pick him up wait until he's relaxes and then put him down again. So far today the most I've had to pick him up is 3 times. Then he usually smiles at me, rolls on his side, and falls asleep. I hope we're making progress. I hope he sleeps tonight. We'd appreciate your prayers as we work through this! In the meantime, I remind myself that someday he WILL sleep through the night. He'll be a teenager all too quickly, and then I'll probably miss those cuddle times in the middle of the night when I could scoop him up and make everything all better. At least, I tell myself I'll miss it. :)